Countdown Thingy

Ten things I wish I could say to ten different people:

1. I don't know if meeting you was a good or a bad thing. I care a lot about you, but I don't if that care is misguided or misplaced. I'm afraid I might be fooling myself, too, and I don't like that. I'm sorry if I ever screw up badly.

2. You're annoying. You sound pompous when you talk. You don't have a whole lot of common sense, and you act very condescending when other people mess up. I really don't think you do any of this on purpose, but I can't decide whether or not what is showing on the outside reflects what is on the inside.

3. I never hated you. I think you're a beautiful person. You're just not the beautiful person a for me. At a point in time, you did drive me up a wall a lot, but that was just a culmination of several years of annoyances. It was nobody's fault, and if it was anybody's, it was mine. I'm sorry for breaking your heart, but I will always value the relationship we had.

4. You honestly made me physically ill from stress on more than one occasion. I'm a different person when you're around, and I don't like it. I think I'm a different person altogether now, and I don't like that either.

5. You're one of my best friends ever. I love you, and you always make me laugh. You infuriate me from time to time, but that's what best friends are for. I know you're there for me if/when I ever need anything, but I want you to know that the same goes the other way. I'm here if/when you ever need anything. You can explode emotionally all over me if you want, and I'll be here to clean up the mess. :)

6. You're beautiful, both inside and out. I will be so happy for you the day the man walks into your life that will make you feel the same way about yourself.

7. I worry about you some times, but I have faith in you. I believe you will make the decisions necessary to grow into a strong, caring man. Right now, you seem to be floundering a bit in this life, but I believe you'll make it to the surface. I just pray the people you hold close to you don't pull you back under.

8. I don't think I ever not enjoy hanging out with you. You're my best friend, and I trust you with my life. I'm sorry for the times I make you feel bad about yourself, because I know it happens. You're hilarious, really nice, friendly, and just all around awesome.

9. I hadn't cried in 7 years before that day. I really hoped we'd stay friends, but I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. Now that the situation has changed, my tolerance for your childish behavior has decreased dramatically. I wish there was another way to phrase that, but there isn't.

10. You're beautiful, but you're a brat. That's putting it nicely. You need to realize you are not the center of the universe. On the other hand, though, you're a smart young woman, and you need to realize that. The dumb act is not going to get you anywhere in life. Also, the dumb boys are not going to do you any good either. Please don't let yourself get hurt. I'll have to take someone out then.


Nine things about myself:

1. Sometimes when I'm eating candy like M&M's or Skittles, I'll sort them out by color before I eat them. Then, I'll eat them by color in order from the least amount to the most amount for each color. I'm sure some psychiatrist out there would label me OCD for that (and things like organizing the VHSes at home or organizing the candy at the checkout of Walmart both when I was still in elementary school), and I'm okay with that. :)

2. I think I might be some sort of perfectionist. Sometimes, I don't really care, but if it's a project that's even remotely mine... Back off it. I will fine tune everything down to the font and the formatting of a report. I revised the FINAL draft of my senior research paper in high school at least five times.

3. I started with this section when doing the countdown. I don't care if I was supposed to start at the top. :P I found this section the easiest. Maybe that means I like talking about myself? Who doesn't, though?

4. I'm an odd mix of shy and outgoing. When walking around campus, in my classes, and eating lunch, I generally stick to myself, unless I'm with friends. I don't really like talking to strangers, and I avoid eye contact. I walk with my head down, too. (I think that's some sign of inferiority. I don't know.) But! When I'm at work, or in a position where I feel competent, I kinda take charge. I'm friendly, smiley, outgoing, and helpful, especially at work. I like talking to strangers and carrying on short conversations to pass the time.

5. I aspire to be like my high school math teacher. She's the reason why I chose the career I'm choosing: secondary mathematics education. Mrs. Walker is a genius, and she's amazing. She's an excellent educator in both the way she conveys information and devotes her time and energy to her students. I want to be like that.

6. I like to see the other side of the situation. I may not do it at first a lot of the time, but I feel it's important to see the situation from the other guy's point of view. I like to give people the benefit of a doubt. I don't immediately assume someone's a certain way, even if all my friends swear it.

7. I'm judgmental toward people that, to the eye, seem to fit the jock or "gangsta" stereotypes. I know it's a problem, and I'm slowly working on it.

8. I like kids' movies and TV shows, and I'm not afraid to admit it. When I say kids' movies and TV, I don't just mean Cartoon Network and/or Nickelodien. Most people my age will admit to those. I also like things like Veggie Tales and Disney. My favorite Disney movies are Aladdin, Hercules, and Lion King.

9. I didn't really have a legit friend until 5th grade. When she moved away after 6th grade, I cried. I never had people I hung out with until 8th/9th grade. I never considered anybody my best friend until I got to college. I've always been okay without having friends, but I'm glad I have the friends I have today.


Eight ways to win my heart:

1. Randomly show me physical affection. I like it when my hair is played with and when I get head/shoulder massages.

2. Be accepting of my faults. Be the inspiration for me to fix them, but don't try to fix them yourself.

3. Let me feel like a man. I like using what little "manly" skills I have to put things together and fix things. Let me fix things.

4. Seek my advice in situations, and let me help. I like helping people, so let me help you when you need it.

5. Compliment me in private. I don't need grandiose praise, but I have less confidence than I put off. Meaningful praise gives me encouragement and helps me to think I'm not just a complete goofball.

6. Laugh at my ridiculously awful jokes/puns. I know they're bad. I admit they're bad. Laugh with me, though, even if I'm laughing at myself.

7. Show kindness to strangers. Anytime I see anyone helping people, I smile. Help someone who drops their books, hold a door open for someone, or tell someone they look beautiful. It doesn't have to be anything drastic, but kindness and caring are amazingly attractive.

8. Have a passion and don't be afraid to defend it. Have something that you care about besides me, and put time and effort into that passion. I don't care if you love color-by-number coloring sheets, just put passion into it.


Seven things that cross my mind a lot:

1. "What time is it?"

2. "What day is it?"

3. "Do I have homework due tomorrow?"

4. "What time should I go to bed tonight?"

5. "Should I keep my hair long or cut it short?"

6. "Too much due all at once!"

7. "There's not enough hours in a week."


Six things I wish I'd never done:

I can't answer this one. There are things I regret, but I don't know that I wish I'd never done them. The decisions I have made have led me to this point in my life, and I like the people I know and (most of) the relationships I have.


Five people who mean a lot (in no specific order):

1. My mom

2. My dad

3. Lexie

4. Robert

5. Pepper


Four turn-offs:

1. Dumbness, stupidity, lack of intelligence

2. Slowness of any sort (eg. walking, talking, thinking, etc...)

3. Extreme vanity

4. Being demanding


Three turn-ons:

1. Intelligence

2. Wisdom (not the same as intelligence, folks)

3. A strong faith in Adonai
                 

Two smileys that describe your life right now:            

1. :/

2. :D


One confession:

1. I'm secretly a messed up wreck.


To Whom It May Concern

I would first like to apologize for saying what I said the way I did. I should have said "You always say you're mad at me," rather than "You're always mad at me." It does seem like you always say (or used to say), "I'm mad at you." When you said that to me this last time, I was in a really good mood and all of a sudden I  hear "I'm mad at you" from the person that always does seem to say that, so my instinctive reaction was to say something back to you in some sort of defensive mode. There would have been more constructive ways to respond, and I do apologize for not picking any of those.

Secondly, I would like to address why you were mad at me. I did not invite you to come along with Robert and me to the movies for two reasons. (By the way, we didn't go to the movies anyway.) The first reason, and truly the prominent reason, was that I don't like breaking the rules. The rules state that I'm allowed to bring one friend with me when I watch movies. Not only do I not like breaking the rules, I really don't like breaking the rules when it's busy at the theater. So, I have brought more than just one friend with me in the past, but I would like to stop doing that if I can help it. That is mostly why I did not invite you. The second reason I did not invite you is that I feel we need to spend more time apart than we have been spending. The entire previous weekend we spent together, and we spent Tuesday night together, and we were around each other last night. Time together right now is just heightening things we find annoying in each other. It's not helping the situation, and I didn't really want to encourage something that is hurting it.

Thirdly, what facade are you talking about? If you're referring to me being nice to you, it's not because I feel bad about anything. I actually resent you saying that. I'm being nice to you, because I still care about you in some manner. Also, it's just generally the right thing to do to be nice to someone and not ignore them when they're there. Children ignore people they're annoyed/upset with. Children. The mature action to do is to be civil, nice even. And that's if it's someone you don't really care about at all. You act friendly toward people that you do.

And lastly, I'll return your library book tomorrow. Don't worry.

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?

I want to see legit Broadways in New York, and I want to go to another country. If I had to pick one, it would be the going to another country.

Ask some questions. Get some answers.

one word answer: does your mother know that you're gay?

Shut up, James.

Ask some questions. Get some answers.

Sneakers or sandals?

Depends on whether or not I'm wearing pants, and the color of my shorts/pants and the sneakers/sandals...

Ask some questions. Get some answers.